Holding Back The Tide
by RileysHell
Summary: For every line on Maura's face, Jane can tell a story. Every scar on her body has been soothed by Jane. There's not an inch of Maura that Jane doesn't know. And it kills her that Maura some days can't feel what it's like to know someone so deeply. One-shot song fic. Inspired by Temple Scene - Holding Back The Tide


It used to be easier than this. It used to be easy dealing with memories. But somewhere down the road, things changed. It shouldn't have come as a surprise, but it still did. At first it was simple things like reading the paper twice, or mixing up names. She could handle that. Even if it was her own name that was lost in the moment. But as time progressed, it wasn't just about reading the paper twice. It was the memory of the first time they met. Or their first real date. Moments that you never would forget. Jane could still remember the day they met. She remembered what Maura was wearing, even her earrings. And their first real date still played like a movie if she closed her eyes. She had taken Maura to the batting cages, hoping it would not really feel like a date. She had been so nervous. The idea of going out to dinner was not an option at all. It would be too much focus on their date, and Jane would probably spill her drink or drink too much or say something stupid and awkward. It was Frost who had suggested the batting cages, and Jane had decided to take his advice right away.

_[If all I am is the memories that I have]_

It had been a great idea. Jane felt confident; baseball was something she knew by heart. And Maura had been eager to learn something Jane loved. The day had been filled with laughter and the occasional screams from Maura when the ball came flying just a tad too close. And it was touching. Jane teaching Maura the optimal stance, wrapping her arms around her date and covering Maura's hands on the bat with her own. In that moment, as they stood cheek to cheek, things became so much clearer for Jane. Holding Maura like that, with both of them aware of the circumstances, felt more right than anything else. She knew immediately that she never wanted to go a day without feeling Maura in her arms like that. And without thinking, Jane had turned her head just a little bit, and her nose brushed against Maura's cheek while she whispered 'perfect'.

_[Then days like this can show who I'll become]_

But Maura didn't remember the batting cages. She didn't remember how she had asked Jane later that day to show her one more time, and once she was wrapped up in Jane's arms again, she had turned around and kissed her. She couldn't remember how they spent the evening on Jane's couch, making out instead of watching the movie. Or how good it felt to fall asleep on Jane's shoulder while listening to the radio. The day when Jane proposed was wiped out of her memory. No matter how many times Jane told the story about the weekend on a cabin far away from everyday life and how she had blurted out 'I want to marry you' on a bench by the lake, Maura couldn't remember. And the Sunday dinner when Jane officially gave the ring to Maura, is remembered by the surprised audience, but not the main person herself.

_[I am lying here with you, but you won't remember at all some day]_

Jane's hair has turned grey during the years, but is still unruly as it has always been. The hair of the amazing Maura Isles however, is still impeccable. It still shines in the sun, despite turning white. Jane strokes through it as they lie in bed. It has been a bad day. Maura forgot the names of their grandchildren, and she almost set the kitchen on fire because she suddenly had a craving for French toast while Jane was taking a shower. But Jane never got mad or disappointed. She cleaned up the mess after making sure Maura was okay and the tears had stopped. And as long as Maura curled up in her arms at night, Jane was happy.

"Tell me a story" Maura whispers sleepy.

Jane smiles and closes her eyes.

"Once upon a time there was a girl with a heart so pure and a soul so gentle. She was the most beautiful girl with a smile that would bring everyone to their knees. Even though we were different like night and day, we became friends, best friends even. She amazed me every day with her brilliant mind and I one day realized that I had fallen in love with her. I didn't know how or when, but it didn't matter. I loved her, but was too afraid to tell her. I never thought she would love someone like me. And I did not want to risk our friendship. If I could only have one friend my whole life, it would've been her. And if I could only be her friend, and nothing more, I would accept that."

Jane stops for a moment when she feels Maura moving, and looks at her.

"Did you tell her?" Maura asks, and Jane laughs a little.

"I'm getting to it now. Many men tried to win her heart, but they all failed. I tried to ignore my feelings as well by dating. But it was a disaster from the beginning, because no one could compare to the woman I saw and laughed with every day. One Saturday evening, I was alone when she knocked on my door. She had been on a date, but she didn't like the guy so she dumped him. She knew what she wanted and if they didn't have what she needed, she didn't waste time on them. We curled up on my couch and she told me about the awful date. She was frustrated because she could've spent the evening with me instead of her date. We both knew how much we enjoyed each other's company, we both wanted to spend the evening at home with a movie or with family and friends. We were both done with the clubbing and going out. I had once before joked that she needed the male version of me, since I seemed to have many of the qualities she was looking for. So I joked about it again. But this time she didn't smile or laugh, she stared at me and slowly said 'no, I need to date you'."

A soft sigh escapes Maura's lips when she hears the words, unaware it's her own words.

"I was the happiest person on earth from that day. We laughed, loved and lived. We explored the romantic side of our friendship and everything fell in place. I had never been so sure about anything before, and there was no doubt in my mind when I saw her walking down the aisle, in a beautiful dress, looking at me and smiling. I loved her more and more each passing day, and when I watched her kiss our newborn baby boy for the first time, I cried. I felt like I was about to burst from all the happiness inside of me. I was married to my best friend and the love of my life. She had just given birth to our son, and I knew there was nothing in this world that could break us."

Jane stops and listens to the calm breathing next to her. Maura has fallen asleep, and Jane leaves a kiss on her forehead.

"And nothing did break us" she whispers.

"And never will. Good night, my love."

_[Holding back the tide for you. Even when you couldn't see me]_

The next morning Jane wakes up early. Unlike her younger years, she rarely sleeps in anymore. Maura is still asleep on Jane's shoulder, and Jane lies still and watches her wife. For every line on Maura's face, Jane can tell a story. Every scar on her body has been soothed by Jane. There's not an inch of Maura that Jane doesn't know. And it kills her that Maura some days can't feel what it's like to know someone so deeply, remember all the stupid arguments over silly things, laugh about the memories they have made together. Every day Jane wakes up wondering if it will be a good or bad day. Will Maura remember Jane or will she freak out and yell at her? Can Jane kiss her wife and hold her like she wants to? Or will she spend the day watching her every step?

A soft hum takes Jane back from her thoughts, and she looks down at Maura who opens her eyes. Jane holds her breath, letting Maura be the first to speak.

"Hi" Maura whispers and smiles.

Jane breathes out and breaks out into a huge smile.

"Hi, beautiful."

"I dreamed about us" Maura continues.

"Really? What did we do?"

"You taught me baseball."

It's a huge relief to Jane to hear those words from Maura. It gives her a hope that her wife will appear, if not for the whole day, at least for parts of it.

"How did it go?"

Maura looks up at Jane and smiles before she cuddles closer. Her warm breath meets Jane's cheek before a pair of lips leaves their mark. A nose brushes softly against her skin and Jane closes her eyes.

"It was perfect."

_[It has always been you and me in this dream]_


End file.
